Courtship (Marriage Proposal) in Kurdish Culture

Leila Nourani

When a family, clan, or tribe would have wanted to make some relationship with another family, clan, or tribe, they would ask permission to attend a courtship ceremony to make a match.

Courtship

It means to ask for a girl or woman's hand for marriage.

It also was defined as living on the same carpet.

Several elderly men and women in a family or clan would go to a girl/woman's house and they would declare the bachelor's request for marrying their daughter/sister.

Belief

When drinking tea, if the sugar cube in a girl/woman's hand would drop into the tea cup they would define it as a sign of a marriage proposal from someone.

Courtship in Kurdish Folklore and Literature

"Mr. Braim told me: I cannot visit Mir to ask his permission for marrying his daughter"

(Tohfeh Mozaffariyeh: Braimok Bayt by Hemn Mukeryani)

Proposing to someone

"I proposed and it was approved. They married me and Ma'soumeh, Mr. Hama's daughter from Nobar village."

(Hejar, Cheshti Mejewr)

To send some elderly to propose to a girl or woman on your behalf

"Firmly without any doubt, I said: Do you want me to send my family to ask your parents' permission for our marriage?"

(Amiri, Zinde Xew)

"He gave up the battle and sent some elderlies to ask the elegant lady_ who was Wali's daughter_ to marry him."

(Ardalan History by Hejar)

Those people who go to a courtship ceremony

"The ceremony has begun and the people are gathered, I don't feel comfortable going inside alone, they sent five girls and two elderly women. Now Asiyeh Khan came inside with them."

(Ahmad Lotfi, Zeinal, and Gozal Bayt)

Engagement

When the proposal and courtship ceremony ends well, the elder women from the groom's family will give the bride a gold souvenir as an engagement sign. Then the elders and the bride's and groom's parents will choose a date for the marriage ceremony.

Engaged

A girl or woman who is engaged to some man but they are not married yet.

Marriage

It is a ceremony in which the elders and the close relatives of the bride and the groom are taking part. There must be a priest to say the holy words that will marry the man and the woman according to Islamic Shariah. The bride will be presented with gifts mostly gold or money by the groom's family members and relatives.

Custom

The bride puts on a white veil over her clothes and a middle-aged woman will accompany her to the room where the marriage ceremony is being held. This woman is one of the trusted relatives of the bride.

Belief

When the bride gets married, she can put her veil over any single girl's head and she will be next to marry.

In the past, when they were helping the bride to get ready in a room, they would not let any divorced woman attend because they considered it an omen for the bride.

During the marriage ceremony, if someone ties the Sorani of their Kurdish clothes, this will cause misfortune for the bride or the groom.

Prayer

When the relatives are giving their gifts to the bride and the groom these prayers are being said:

We wish you get old together.

We wish your fate stays alongside one another.

Congratulations, we wish you never feel any remorse.

KURDŞOP
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